Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
