i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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