i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
