i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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