i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am midnight drunk by noon
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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