This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
