were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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