We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
