"it" just moved
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
