i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
