Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
