I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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