The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
