after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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