I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
