i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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