Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
