just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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