It's Friday. Sex?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
