sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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