i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
