If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
