YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
