Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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