Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
