i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
