She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
