You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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