: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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