I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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