with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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