so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
