Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
