just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
