He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
