You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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