i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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