Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
