a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
