omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
