I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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