I met the friendliest cop last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
