apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
