I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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