Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dicks are not precious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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