my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
