The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
