Where are you?
In a non slutty way
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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