it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
