Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
